1,000 Decibels of scorn, rage, and self-loathing

Most people suffer from this internal mechanism, but artists tend to feel it worst. Every time you sit down to write (the art I’ll obviously focus on), you hear it nagging at you. You’re not good enough, you couldn’t write a believable text with a gun pointed at your head, you think anyone will like this crap? The spiraling of thoughts, and the manifestations it can take on are infinite.

Decimating to any writing attempt, the noise grows louder and louder until you just stand up and do something to ignore it. Sometimes just the act of stopping satiates it. However, there are times when the voice spills over into life, leading from your text is shit to you are shit.

Anne Lamott in her novel, “Bird by Bird” labels this as radio KFKD (K Fucked). Drowning out thoughts with sound waves carrying messages of rage and jealousy and any other negative emotion you can imagine, it persists as little more than a roadblock.

According to her, visualizing it as a radio makes it easier to stop. No longer is the voice an invisible origin, but a radio of your choosing. In my mind, mine tends to look small and antique. Yours could be massive and metallic, fitted with subwoofers and surround sound. In either case, visualizing it now makes it a small task of simply shutting off the radio.

One click, and it’s all finished.

For many people, from what I’ve seen, this works. With me though, it either created a temporary band-aid that was easily bled through, or provided even less solace. If the radio trick helped, that’s great! If it didn’t, keep reading.

In my case, I’ve found truly thinking through the problems helps best. Why do I feel jealous? Why am I angry? It may take days, but once the problem is found and isolated, you won’t find the message carried across your mind anymore. I suggest the radio for surface problems, but those deeper need greater attention than a simple visualization.

Also, if the radio worked for you, I suggest reading Anne Lamott’s book. She includes several other helpful tips for people finding it hard to keep ideas, or those getting sidetracked by the process of writing itself. Not my favorite, but still a good read.